Ask Amy: Are wedding gifts expected when the couple elopes?


Dear Amy: A relatively distant cousin recently ran away.

By elope, I mean they got married with no guests.

She was wearing a dress, they picked a nice spot, and they hired a photographer to document it.

I received an announcement with a link to photos by SMS.

Should I send a gift? If so, what would you recommend?

Honestly, I kinda feel like a “thumbs up” is the appropriate response.

– Remote

Dear Remote: Despite the undercurrent of disapproval I note in your question, your cousin is not looking for gifts – but merely informing you of the happy news of this recent marriage.

If you want to send a gift, then by all means, do it.

I think an appropriate response is to look through their linked photos and text back, noting that you enjoyed their photos, that you hope their special day was joyful, and that you are very happy for them.

Another generous response would be to add, “As a congratulations, I hope you’ll let me take you two out to dinner the next time you’re in the area.” It would be nice to catch up. »

Dear Amy: Last April my girlfriend of 10 years passed away. She had no will or life insurance. His brother paid for the cremation. He came home to pick up some of his sister’s things.

His daughter also recovered some items.

I have no problem with family members getting whatever they want.

My problem is almost the opposite of that: no one in the family wants most of their possessions because they don’t have room in their own house.

They told me I could do whatever I wanted with his leftovers.

I know people say, “Just have a yard sale,” but I don’t really know how to do that!

I work five days a week.

How to sell this material at a fair price?

I’m also afraid that people will come to my house and ask for things or ask the price of things.

I guess there are some nice things, but not that much.

Can you help me get started?

– Overwhelmed

Dear overwhelmed: Hosting a garage sale can be rewarding in many ways, but the job is much easier if you have a friend helping you out.

There are also individuals and companies who will organize, price and manage the sale for a portion of the profits. It might be worth it to you.

Before hosting your sale, go to other sales on a Saturday to see how things are set up and priced. If you hear about a “multi-family” sale on a specific weekend, you can schedule your sale at the same time. (Buyers like to jump from one sale to another.)

Hold your sale either on the lawn (put things on tables) or in your open garage, with NOT for sale items covered or behind duct tape. Keep the house locked. People who frequent garage sales will not ask to enter your house.

Advertise your sale well by putting up colorful signs and posting a local notice on your neighborhood mailing list and in the local newspaper.

Stick price tags on each item – so you won’t have to answer too many questions.

Have a plan for donating items that don’t sell. After your sale, package these items and take them directly to your local reuse center, Goodwill or the Salvation Army.

I think garage sales are a great way to recycle stuff, sending your extra belongings to a good home.

Your sale could also help you move forward after that big loss in your own life.

Dear Amy: “Upset Husband” struggled with his in-laws who imposed money on him and his wife.

I experienced this situation with my own parents. I’ve worked hard and I’m successful and I’m self-sufficient. They will leave money at my house and put money in accounts in my name.

They are empty nests and it makes them feel good to spend it on their children.

How I solved this: The last unsolicited PayPal I received from them, I let them know it was appreciated but unhelpful.

I made it clear that I would agree to this one more time and apply it to my mortgage. From then on, every time they leave money at my house or send me PayPal, I put it aside and give it to them with gifts and experiences every time they come to visit me visit.

Check previous columns from Ask Amy

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

©2022 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.


Comments are closed.